yea it's been a long time i didn't write. 

too busy with college life i guess..

it's the 7th of May today.. and it's raining here in Sg Buaya.

well em.. it's kind of hard for me to say this..

and to be real honest i still can't accept the fact that.. my beloved ibu, my queen passed away on the 5th of May 2016 (27 Rejab 1437) and mengikut tarikh Islam, it's Isra' & Mikraj.

i didn't make it.. qilaa tak sempat tengok for the very last time. papa was in front of my college, on his way to pick me up ibu dah takde..
sebulan lebih ibu suffered in the hospital..
i just couldn't imagine.. betapa sakitnya ibu.. Ya Allah.. first first tu ibu still boleh cakap mana dia lenguh or sakit, mana dia nak suruh urut.. but day by day.. she was getting worst..
i didn't took care of her much,, because i have classes and this year is my last year and i'm quite busy..
it's not that i don't care about ibu, but papa was the one who ask me to still focus on my study.
ibu also wants the same thing.. ibu mesti tak nak qila abaikan mata pelajaran qilaa.
yknow.. Ibu is my strength... when i'm so down.. dia je yang selalu cheer me up again.. well yeah sometimes my friends yang cheer me up. but when it comes to Ibu yang cheer me up.. dia lain
in the same time she will give me advice. things that she always reminds me is.. to thing positive towards people. never thinks negative about people,..
ibu was the only one who can accept me no matter how bad i am.. dia tak sokong., she might be upset and disapointed,. but she still loves me.. hmm
ibu always made me so special.. she called me princess. Ya Allah banyak sangat... too much love she showed to me and i can't even say it..
it just too much..
bila sakit. ibu yang jaga. ibu yang marah suruh makan ubat. ibu yang bawak pergi klinik. sapukan minyak. baca selawat.. all those things kan., sekarang dah takde siapa buat..
yea i might have other family members.. but it's not the same.. it will never be :'(
ibu have the very sweet smile.. bibir pink dia.. aish cair hmm
sebelum ibu sakit... i never thought that was the last hug from her..
Ya Allah i can't remember when weh..
tak jumpa ibu seminggu pun dah rinduu sangat nak peluk..
i told ibu.. i want her to bake me a cake on my birthday.. i told ibu about Ramadhan is just around the corner.. ibu pun ada cakap yang raya tahun ni ibu nak baju semua matching..
hm never ever crossed my mind pun i would lose such a great mother..
lepasni.. siapa je nak dengar qila cakap benda benda merepek.. selalunya ibu je rajin layan kerenah qila yang tah pape nii.. i know i'm already 19.. but i don't know.. somehow i feel like i still wanna manja and all..
ibu knows every single thing about me.. even the little things.. she remembers..
too much to talk about Ibu.. too much thing i'm thinking rn...
all i want is.. IBU.. i never want anything else in this world.. i would never be here if it wasn't her behind my back all of this time.. supporting me, taking care of me.. hm

what i meant with 'maybe 5 means something' is.. Ibu passed away 5 days before my birthday and my best friend, Hairie Aqmal passed away on 25th August 2015 - 5 days before i met him back in 2014. i first met him on the 30th August 2014.  that's all i guess for now.. wassalam..